How can one talk without saying a single word?

I am a type of word that is spelt incorrectly or used differently, on purpose for humour. What am I?
Hint 1: You can find me in a joke.
Hint 2: I am a play on words.

While house hunting in London, I came across a very good leasehold property Discussing the lease the landlady told me:

'The property was originally on a 99 years lease and two-thirds of the time passed is equal to four-fifths of the time to come. Now work it out for yourself and see how many years are to go!

There is a number which when you multiply by 3 and subtract 2 from the result, then the resulting number is the reverse of the actual number.

What is the smallest number that stands true on the statement?

How can you tell a raw egg from a hard-boiled egg?

Rob is taller than Edwin, and Jurgen is shorter than Rob.
Of only one of the following statements, we now certainly know it is correct:

A.Edwin is taller than Jurgen
B.Jurgen is taller than Edwin
C.It cannot be determined if Jurgen or Edwin is the tallest.

Six people park their car in an underground parking of a store. The store has six floors in all. Each one of them goes to a different floor. Simon stays in the lift for the longest. Sia gets out before Peter but after Tracy. The first one to get out is Harold. Debra leaves after Tracy who gets out on the third floor.

Can you find out who leaves the lift on which floor?

You can win me and lose me but never buy me
You can not eat me and never want to part with me
I can make you cry or bring you joy
I am not a machine and definitely not a toy
You keep me but i am not forever just yours
You might find me in a case or on a shelf next to a vase
I am hard and i am tall if you bump me i am sure to fall
I am made of different materials and am at many events
If your lucky and fight hard I might be yours
What am I ?

I am never scared but became petrified and can’t live in a house but would die to make one. What am I?

What jumps when it walks and sits when it stands?