Two guards were on duty outside a barracks. One faced up the road to watch for anyone approaching from the North. The other looked down the road to see if anyone approached from the South. Suddenly one of them said to the other, "Why are you smiling?"

How did he know his companion was smiling?

A thief is convicted in Mexico. He gets the death penalty. The judge allows him to say the last sentence to determine how the penalty will be carried out. If the thief lies, he will be hanged, if he speaks the truth he will be beheaded. The thief tells the last sentence and to everybody's surprise some minutes later he is set free because the judge cannot determine his penalty. What did the thief say?

A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees that the man next to him is extremely rich. He turns to the rich man and says to him, 'I have an amazing talent; I know almost every song that has ever existed.'
The rich man laughs.
The poor man says, 'I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it.'
The rich man laughs again and says, 'OK, how about my daughter's name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller?'
The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich.

What song did he sing? A man is sitting in a pub feeling rather poor. He sees the man next to him pull a wad of £50 notes out of his wallet. He turns to the rich man and says to him, 'I have an amazing talent; I know almost every song that has ever existed.' The rich man laughs. The poor man says, 'I am willing to bet you all the money you have in your wallet that I can sing a genuine song with a lady's name of your choice in it.' The rich man laughs again and says, 'OK, how about my daughter's name, Joanna Armstrong-Miller?' The rich man goes home poor. The poor man goes home rich. What song did he sing?

John went to a parrot shop in Mexico, and the parrot owner told him that his parrot is so unique that he repeats everything he hears. John got excited and immediately bought the parrot. John went home and spoke many words, but the parrot does not repeat anything.
He went again to the parrot shop and complaint to the shopkeeper, but the shopkeeper never lied. Explain?

I am never scared but became petrified and can’t live in a house but would die to make one. What am I?

There are two arch enemies Messi and Ronaldo who hate each other to an extreme. One day both were going together and a Jeanie appeared in front of them. Jeanie grants 3 wishes to Ronaldo and one to Messi.

Messi replied smartly 'Give me twice whatever Ronaldo demands'.

Ronaldo asked his 1st wish 'Give me 10000 billion dollars. Soon Messi gets 2000 billion dollars.
Ronaldo asked for his 2nd wish 'Give me one mansion in every country in the world. Soon Messi gets two mansions in every country of the world?

What should be Ronaldo's third wish?

On a certain day, John celebrated his birthday. Two days later, his older twin brother Jacob celebrated his birthday.

Is this even possible? How can it be?

A man and a dog were going down the street. The man rode, yet walked. What was the dog’s name?

I have branches, but no fruit, trunk or leaves. What am I?

If you drop me I’m sure to crack, but give me a smile and I’ll always smile back. What am I?