Which is the rope you never skip with?

There are people and strange monkeys on this island, and you can not tell who is who (Edit: until you understand what they said - see below). They speak either only the truth or only lies.
Who are the following two guys?
A: B is a lying monkey. I am human.
B: A is telling the truth.

A Miser man decided to go on a vacation for a month. He goes to the bank and asks for a trip loan of $500. The bank officer asks the man that the loan can only be approved when he mortgage some valuable thing at the bank. Miser man mortgages his only car whose worth was a whopping $80000. The Bank officer laughed at him and approve the loan instantly. After vacation when the miser man returns, the bank officer asked him "Are you an idiot, why is your mortgage such an expensive car for such a short loan?".

Miser man replied with some reason and the bank officer agreed that the miser man is actually not an idiot.

What did miser man reply to the bank loan officer?.

By removing one matchstick and adding one matchstick, can you convert the word "ZOO" to an animal name?

What can run but never walks, has a mouth but never talks, has a head but never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps?

A four-digit number (not beginning with 0) can be represented by ABCD. There is one number such that ABCD=A^B*C^D, where A^B means A raised to the B power. Can you find it?

Some friends went on a vacation to a resort. It was raining heavily and it kept raining for thirteen days.

When it rained in the morning, the afternoon was beautiful and when it rained in the afternoon, the day was blessed with a clear morning.

Overall, the friends experienced eleven nice mornings and twelve nice afternoons. Can you find out the number of days they spent on vacation?

A pond had 60 fish, out of which, all but 20 died.
How many fishes are now present in that pond?

You have a roll of cloth 1km long. You have a machine which cuts this roll into pieces of 10-meter-long cloth.

How long would it take for the machine to cut the roll if each cut took 4 secs?

A man walked into a pub and went straight towards the Barman. He asked for a dirty martini from the Barman. The Barman thought something and then pulled out a pistol from his drawer and aimed it directly at the man. Why did he do that?