Keyboard words are not in alphabetical order, Why?

Decode this picture on T-Shirt and tell what it says ?

You measure my life in hours
I serve you by expiring
I vanish faster when I am thin
and slower when I am thick
The wind is my energy
What am I?

Three men in a cafe order a meal the total cost of which is $15. They each contribute $5. The waiter takes the money to the chef who recognises the three as friends and asks the waiter to return $5 to the men.

The waiter is not only poor at mathematics but dishonest and instead of going to the trouble of splitting the $5 between the three he simply gives them $1 each and pockets the remaining $2 for himself.

Now, each of the men effectively paid $4, the total paid is therefore $12. Add the $2 in the waiters pocket and this comes to $14. Where has the other $1 gone from the original $15?

You have 1023 apples and 10 bags. You have to distribute these apples in these 10 bags in any way you choose. But when I ask for a certain number of apples you have to give them in terms of bags without transferring the apples from other bags. How do you distribute the apples?

The sum of a mother, her baby and her dog's weight is 170 Kg. How much does the baby weigh if the mother weighs 100 kg more than the combined weight of the baby and the dog, and the dog weighs 60 per cent less than the baby?

A Man gave one of his sons 10 cents and another son was given 15 cents. What time is it?
Hint: Figure out the relation between time and number, is not so easy..:)

If a wheel has 54 spokes, how many spaces are there between the spokes?

Queen Elizabeth organised a royal party.

To Avoid uninvited guest royal family set a password.
Jack (an uninvited person) plan to enter the party. He stand nearby the door.

First guest comes, the security person said 'twelve' and guest replied with six.
Second guest comes , the security person said 'six' and guest replied with 'three'.

Jack thought is enough and he walked to the entry point. The security person said 'eight' , Jack replied smilingly 'four'.
He was immediately thrown out of the party. why ?

Can you write down eight eights so that they add up to one thousand?