What do you call a fish without an eye?

It has horns but can’t beep. It is like to bleat but It is not a sheep. What is it?

I can sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg,
I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg,
I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,
I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole.

A man is surviving on an island along with his friend. They have been starving for four days for food. Suddenly, they find a fisherman. The friend goes with the fisherman in order to catch the fish (if they can find any).

The fisherman returns after some time but he is alone and has some salmon that he had prepared. When asked, the fisherman tells him that his best friend fell off the boat and drowned in the water. Starving for so long, he eats the meal while crying for his friend.

After being rescued, he goes to a diner and orders salmon. When he eats his meal, he jumps and commits suicide. Why did he do it?

A swan sits at the center of a perfectly circular lake. At an edge of the lake stands a ravenous monster waiting to devour the swan. The monster can not enter the water, but it will run around the circumference of the lake to try to catch the swan as soon as it reaches the shore. The monster moves at 4 times the speed of the swan, and it will always move in the direction along the shore that brings it closer to the swan the quickest. Both the swan and the the monster can change directions in an instant.
The swan knows that if it can reach the lake's shore without the monster right on top of it, it can instantly escape into the surrounding forest.

How can the swan successfully escape?

What are the next two letters in the following series and why?
W A T N T L I T F S _ _

*Hint: Check Puzzle Title

A sea diver is a real show-off. He showed everyone that he can hold his breath underwater for 15 minutes.

I went to the diver and told him that I can be underwater for double the time i.e 30 minutes.
He responded that he will give me 100$ if I would be able to do it. I won 100$.

What did I do?

Outside a massage parlour, there is a board that reads
"I only massage those who do not massage themselves."

Reading the above statement, does the masseur massage himself?

Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream?

A wife and her husband were driving in their car on the highway. All of a sudden, they ran out of gas. So the husband said to the wife, 'Now, you stay here. I will go down the highway to the nearest gas station, and it will be about 1 hour. Just listen to the radio and read some books, and remember to lock all the windows and doors. I will leave the keys with you.' So, off the husband went, and the wife first locked ALL the windows and doors. Next, she turned on the radio, and this is what she heard on the news report:
'THERE IS A MURDERER ON THE LOOSE. HE WAS LAST SEEN ON THE HIGHWAY, WEARING ALL BLACK, ABOUT 5 FOOT 11 INCHES. PLEASE, BE AWARE AND CONTACT THE POLICE IMMEDIATELY.' The wife got very scared. She turned off the radio and double-checked the locked doors. Then she saw the murderer, only a couple of feet away from the car. An hour later, the husband returned to his car. Inside the car, his wife was DEAD, she had been murdered. All the windows were still locked, and the doors. No windows were broken, and the car was in PERFECT condition. No scratches or anything, it was the same way as when he left it. How did the murderer kill the wife?