There are are five things wrong with this sentence; only geniuses will be able to to spot all of the mitstakes

Outside a massage parlour, there is a board that reads
"I only massage those who do not massage themselves."

Reading the above statement, does the masseur massage himself?

I am green and found in the forest and have needles instead of leaves. What am I?
Hint 1: It can be used for Christmas decorations.
Hint 2: I have a strong, scent that is used in air fresheners.

What do you get if you add 2 to 100 four times?

Below, you can see three complete equations and one incomplete. Based on the three complete ones, can you complete the incomplete one?

5 $ 4 $ 3 $ 9 = 4215
6 $ 9 $ 2 $ 6 = 3816
4 $ 7 $ 3 $ 3 = 1122
7 $ 2 $ 7 $ 4 = ____

A pet show was happening in my locality. I went down along with my kids. In that show, I noticed that all except two of the entries were cats. All except two were dogs and all except two were Monkeys.

Can you find out how many of each animals were present in that pet show?

1 rabbit saw 9 elephants while going to the river. Every elephant saw 3 monkeys going toward the river. Each monkey had 1 parrot in each hand. How many animals are going towards the river?

John enters a small room. The Door Closes.
When the door opens, John is in a larger room.

Explain?

Client Dempsey living in one of the East Coast states of the U.S. was talking to Landon Donovan, who was living in the West Coast state of the U.S.

Dempsey: What time is it?
Donovan: Wow, It is the same time here.

How is this possible?

You can win me and lose me but never buy me
You can not eat me and never want to part with me
I can make you cry or bring you joy
I am not a machine and definitely not a toy
You keep me but i am not forever just yours
You might find me in a case or on a shelf next to a vase
I am hard and i am tall if you bump me i am sure to fall
I am made of different materials and am at many events
If your lucky and fight hard I might be yours
What am I ?