Decode this picture on T-Shirt and tell what it says ?

What occurs twice in a week, once in a year but never in a day?

Samuel was out for a walk when it started to rain. He did not have an umbrella and he wasn't wearing a hat. His clothes were soaked, yet not a single hair on his head got wet. How could this happen?

Complete the series by replacing "?" with the correct number.

ST ND RD TH '?'

John and his wife were living in a rural place. On a particular day, John's wife fell ill and he called the local doctor. When the doctor picked up, he said, "Doctor, my wife is ill. She might have appendicitis."

"This can't be possible! I took out her appendix two years ago myself," the doctor explained.

When diagnosed, John's wife was found to have appendicitis. How can this be possible?

Can you count the number of lines in the below picture?

You bought me for dinner but never eat me. What am I?

Can you write down eight eights so that they add up to one thousand?

f you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

A thief is convicted in Mexico. He gets the death penalty. The judge allows him to say the last sentence to determine how the penalty will be carried out. If the thief lies, he will be hanged, if he speaks the truth he will be beheaded. The thief tells the last sentence and to everybody's surprise some minutes later he is set free because the judge cannot determine his penalty. What did the thief say?