Who is generally closer to the kids, mom or dad?

(it's a funny riddle)

Two guards were on duty outside a barracks. One faced up the road to watch for anyone approaching from the North. The other looked down the road to see if anyone approached from the South. Suddenly one of them said to the other, "Why are you smiling?"

How did he know his companion was smiling?

The square root of number 121 is "11". What is the square root of the number "12345678987654321."?

A man died, leaving $10,000,000 for his widow, 5 sons and 4 daughters. Each daughter received an equal amount, each son received twice as much as a daughter, and the widow received three times as much as a son.

How much did the widow receive?

'S' refers to the number of seconds in a day and 'H' refers to the number of hours in ten years. Which quantity out of these two is greater?

John bought 150 chocolates but he misplaced some of them. His Father asked him how many chocolates were misplaced.
He gave the following answer to him:
If you count in pairs, one remains
If you count in threes, two remain
If you count in fours, three remain
If you count in fives, four remain
If you count in sixes, five remain
If you count in sevens, no chocolate remains.

Can you analyze the statements and tell us how many chocolates were lost?

There are are five things wrong with this sentence; only geniuses will be able to to spot all of the mitstakes

That attorney is my brother, testified the accountant.

But the attorney testified he didn't have a brother.

Who is lying?

There was a competition where the contestants had to hold something. At the end of the event, the winner was a person who had no hands or feet. What was it that the contestants had to hold?

John was piloting a plane behind a car but was never able to overtake it. Why?