When I got four, I have it none.
When I got two, I have it some.
When I got none, I have it all.

What is it?

I am a type of word that is spelt incorrectly or used differently, on purpose for humour. What am I?
Hint 1: You can find me in a joke.
Hint 2: I am a play on words.

A woman shoots her husband.

Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.

Finally, she hangs him.

But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.

How can this be?

A plane crashed between the border of Mexico and America. Where do you bury the survivors?

A man hijacks an aeroplane transporting both passengers(8 of them) and valuable cargo. After taking the cargo, the man demands nine parachutes, puts one of them on, and jumps, leaving the other eight behind. Why did he want eight?

What goes up but never comes down?

The below given figure comprises of a pattern through which you can determine the missing letter. Can you push your mind to find the pattern and add the missing letter?

It can't be seen, can't be felt, can't be heard, and can't be smelt.
It lies behind stars and under hills, And empty holes it fills.
It comes first and follows after, Ends life, and kills laughter.
What is it?

What does this rebus means ?

PROG WORKRESS

You can win me and lose me but never buy me
You can not eat me and never want to part with me
I can make you cry or bring you joy
I am not a machine and definitely not a toy
You keep me but i am not forever just yours
You might find me in a case or on a shelf next to a vase
I am hard and i am tall if you bump me i am sure to fall
I am made of different materials and am at many events
If your lucky and fight hard I might be yours
What am I ?