Which is heavier: a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

The following four words might seem abrupt to you. But you can make them meaningful by just adding vowels.
RDSH
GGPLNT
TMT
NN

Hint: All of them are vegetables.

Two guards were on duty outside a barracks. One faced up the road to watch for anyone approaching from the North. The other looked down the road to see if anyone approached from the South. Suddenly one of them said to the other, "Why are you smiling?"

How did he know his companion was smiling?

I am a type of word that is spelt incorrectly or used differently, on purpose for humour. What am I?
Hint 1: You can find me in a joke.
Hint 2: I am a play on words.

They are three errirs in this question. Can you find them?

What mathematical symbol can be put between 5 and 9, to get a number bigger than 5 and smaller than 9?

If nine thousand, nine hundred nine dollars is written as $9,909,
how should twelve thousand, twelve hundred twelve dollars be written?

Okay before we begin with the puzzle, do keep in mind that you have to answer it quickly.

You are participating in a car race. Seeking the perfect moment, you overtake the second person in the race. What positions are you in now?

1. Where does Easter come from before Valentine's Day?

2. Do you know what is in the middle of Valentine's?

3. What did the lady bee say to the man bee on the occasion of Valentine's Day

You measure my life in hours
I serve you by expiring
I vanish faster when I am thin
and slower when I am thick
The wind is my energy
What am I?