Outside a massage parlour, there is a board that reads
"I only massage those who do not massage themselves."

Reading the above statement, does the masseur massage himself?

Two brothers were watching a horror film on video late one night. One brother dozed off and dreamed that he was being chased by the crazy man from the movie, who was trying to kill him. In the dream, he hid in a cupboard. There was no sound except his heart pounding, and he had no idea where his crazed captor was. He was terrified! At that moment, the video finished, and his brother put his hand on the shoulder of his sleeping sibling to wake him. The shock at that tense moment was enough that the sleeping brother suffered a massive heart attack and died instantly. True or false?

I always drive my customer away.

Who am I?

Two guards were on duty outside a barracks. One faced up the road to watch for anyone approaching from the North. The other looked down the road to see if anyone approached from the South. Suddenly one of them said to the other, "Why are you smiling?"

How did he know his companion was smiling?

In a kingdom, King George did not allow any citizen to visit the world outside. Also, only a person with proper paperwork was allowed to enter or he was sent back. A wooden bridge was what connected the kingdom to the world. The king had appointed a sharpshooter who would check the every five minutes on the bridge to check. After checking, he would go back to his hut and return exactly after five minutes again. The bridge took 9 minutes to cross.

A merchant was able to escape the kingdom without harming the shooter. How?

Two Twins Jack and Jill were standing back to back and suddenly they started running in opposite direction for 4 kilometres and then turn to left and run for another 3 kilometres.

what is the distance between the Baggio twins when they stop ?

John went to a parrot shop in Mexico, and the parrot owner told him that his parrot is so unique that he repeats everything he hears. John got excited and immediately bought the parrot. John went home and spoke many words, but the parrot does not repeat anything.
He went again to the parrot shop and complaint to the shopkeeper, but the shopkeeper never lied. Explain?

A Doctor always sneezes before the rain. Doctor sneezes, Will it rain?

Open a Laptop which is password protected. Hint for the password is given as below:

1 mobile 3 books 2 Boards 1 night 4 balls 2 lighters 1 ghost 1 hat 3 watches

John Went to the nearby store in a Mall to buy something for her home. Below is the conversation between the two:

John: How much for the one?
Shopkeeper: It is $2
John: How much for the Eleven?
Shopkeeper: It is $4
John: How much for the Hundred?
Shopkeeper: It is $6.

What is John buying?