Outside a massage parlour, there is a board that reads
"I only massage those who do not massage themselves."

Reading the above statement, does the masseur massage himself?

I have a head like a cat and feet like a cat, but I am not a cat. What am I?

Usually, a boxing match consists of twelve rounds. In a particular friendly match between two heavyweights, the match was finished in the ninth round itself as one of the boxers knocked out the other one.

But, in that fight, no man threw even a single punch.

How can this be possible?

I am white when I am dirty, and black when I am clean. What am I?

A train full of passengers goes through a tunnel. When the train comes out from the other end, there is no single person on the train.

How did it happen?

A man who was outside in the rain without an umbrella or hat didn’t get a single hair on his head wet. Why?

James bond was pushed out of an aeroplane without any parachute.
He survived, How come?

Once upon a time, there was a bus conductor who was extremely rude to all the passengers. On a certain day, a young and charming lady tried boarding the bus. But he did not stop the bus. As a result, the girl came under the bus and was killed. The agitated passengers took the conductor to the police station. The police took him to the court for trial. In the court, the judge gave him death sentence.

He is then taken to the electrocution chamber. In that room, there is a chair in the center of the room and a banana peel lies just behind the chair. The conductor is strapped to that chair and is being exposed to a high voltage current. But to everyone�s surprise, he is able to survive through the current that is enough to kill two people at once. The judge decides that it is a miracle and sets the conductor free.

The conductor then returns back to his profession. After a few months, a middle aged lady tries to board the bus. The conductor does not stop the bus and as a result the lady gets run over by the bus which kills her on the spot. The agitated passengers take him to the police. The police takes him to the court for the trial. In the court, the judge decides for capital punishment for the conductor.

The conductor is taken to the electrocution chamber again. In that chamber, there is a chair in the middle of the room and a banana peel lies behind the chair. He is strapped to the chair and exposed to a high voltage. To everyone�s surprise, he survives again. Thus, the judge sets him free.

The conductor returns back to his profession. After a few months. An old lady tries to board the bus. The bus conductor after remembering his previous actions, stops the bus. But unfortunately, the old lady slips while climbing up the bus and dies due to his injuries. The passengers take him to the police again. The police takes him back to the court. Though the judge knows that he is not guilty, he sentences him to death knowing his previous record.

The conductor is taken to the electrocution chamber again. He is strapped to the chair in the center of the room behind which, there is a banana peel. He is exposed to the current and this time he is killed instantly.

Why did he die this time and not the previous times?

On the dull night when the blonde was dozing, she heard an odd clamour and she saw that there was a bizarre man with a gun simply outside her home. So she raced to the telephone to call the police, however, she can't dial 911. Why?

A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?