Yesterday I fell from 30 feet high ladder but I don't get hurt. Why?

What kind of band never plays music?

There are are five things wrong with this sentence; only geniuses will be able to to spot all of the mitstakes

The captain of a ship was telling this interesting story: "We travelled the sea far and wide. At one time, two of my sailors were standing on opposite sides of the ship. One was looking west and the other one east. And at the same time, they could see each other clearly." How can that be possible?

John went to a parrot shop in Mexico, and the parrot owner told him that his parrot is so unique that he repeats everything he hears. John got excited and immediately bought the parrot. John went home and spoke many words, but the parrot does not repeat anything.
He went again to the parrot shop and complaint to the shopkeeper, but the shopkeeper never lied. Explain?

Most people think of me as money. But when they find me in the water, they won’t get any money out of me. What am I?

John left on a horse on Thursday , was gone for two days, and came back on Thursday after completing his work. How did that happen?

The teacher told the student that if he told a lie then he will be expelled from school and if he told the truth then he still is expelled from school.

What can a student say to prevent his being expelled from school?

I have a head like a cat and feet like a cat, but I am not a cat. What am I?

A blonde put eyeliner on her head. Why?